My dog is a bastard!

I write this in bed while I look at my dog licking himself at the foot of my bed.

You bark at the door to my room to demand to be let in.
When I open it you then jump on my bed. Or should I being calling it yours?
You then jump on me and then roll on to your back and with little praying motions that you make with your two front paws. You again demand a belly rub. When I commense with this rubbing action you begin to growl at me as if your saying, your NOT doing it right. When I stop. You immediately look at me with disgust and astonishment all in one, "Did I say you could stop?"
When I blow you a kiss you turn away and start growling again. What you dont like kisses?
You, my dog are a complete bastard and everyone should know it.
The bed is filled with your assorted doggy toys that you haul up to lick with shear abandonment for hours on end. That sort of affection is just not healthy but you refuse to stop.
So, its with these words that I say,
 YOU ARE A RIGHT BASTARD LOKI!